Editorial: Oh, poor pitiful me

Column By Mike Bibb

“Poor, poor, pitiful me.  Poor, poor, pitiful me.  Oh, these boys won’t let me be.  Lord, have mercy on me.  Woe, woe is me.”

Poor Pitiful Me, Linda Ronstadt, 1977

Poor President Joe.  Looks like his mischievous ways and tall tales are finally catching up with him.  I’m not certain anyone in Washington believes a word he says – including his lawyers.

From his days bragging about how he challenged and tamed the infamous neighborhood bully, Corn Pop, to graduating near the top of his law class, to gloating over his exceptionally high IQ, Joe’s had a penchant for fabricating some of the most outlandish whoppers ever publicly vocalized by a Washington politician.

Maybe, something to do with his overly inflated ego. 

Or perhaps, he has a gift for this stuff.  Born with a natural ability to instantly concoct fanciful narratives — usually, placing himself at the center of attention.

No scripted speeches, teleprompters, or truth are needed; just a microphone and speakers to make sure everyone hears his imaginative storylines.  

Presently, we’re seeing a sort of hybrid of this theme play out with his classified document faux pas.  A mix of impromptu comments and written statements, designed to convince a listening audience that his involvement in virtually the same illegal escapades former President Trump is accused of, really isn’t the same thing.

Actually, he’s right.  Joe’s blunders began before Trump was in office, and involved activities Biden was not authorized to do.  Even as a vice president.

To calm a suspicious public, Joe said he doesn’t know how secret documents from his senate and vice-president days keep finding their way to his University of Pennsylvania office and homes in Delaware. 

Jokingly referred to as the “Corvette defense,” because several classified papers have been discovered inside a garage where Joe keeps his classic sports car.

Recently, he read an attorney-prepared speech informing everyone he was going to follow the advice of his attorneys.  Just to make certain we understood what he was saying, he confidently assured us “There’s no there, there.” 

This means, I guess, there must be a “there” somewhere, but it wasn’t “there” at the time he was speaking.  

In short, Joe seems to have forgotten his presidential pledge of allegiance to the U.S. Constitution, recited while raising his right hand and placing his left on the family Bible. 

Instead, switching his modus operandi to whatever his lawyers advised.  In this case, probably a good idea – if, Joe can only remember to do it. 

An unforeseen benefit of “Document Gate,” is the media’s interest in actually reporting, at least in part, Joe’s bumbling involvement.  For some reason, a majority of mainstream news was essentially supportive of his COVID policies, Afghanistan withdrawal, open border chaos, inflation, supply chain disruptions, Ukrainian War support, and a myriad of additional economic and social issues.

After a while, their laudatory recounting of his administration’s obvious missteps has become predictable and mundane to such an extent the actual news topic of the day – every day – was simply Biden wasn’t Trump, and that’s all that really mattered.

Until Joe’s exposed multiple mishandlings of secret government reports threatened to divulge certain federal department operations and programs.

Even more so when concealment is essential to success.  Particularly, if the public revelation of high-ranking officials compromises a mission’s integrity.  Or worse, embarrasses those in charge of these agencies.

The disclosure of hidden secret Washington items and documents by, allegedly, Trump and Biden, begins to make one wonder how many other government officials have pirated similar papers.  Are our nation’s most private and secure reports really that difficult to obtain, particularly by individuals familiar with how the system works?

Recognizing Joe is not the most intelligent occupant the White House has seen in the past couple of hundred years, his managers realize they must be on constant alert to any unusual activities he may become involved in.

His relationship with his son, Hunter, and other family members, appears to be evolving into a financial and political nightmare that could eventually entangle the entire U.S. government.  Seemingly, with foreign influences at the very core of this scam, Biden may have gotten himself into a colossal jam with folks and governments who appear to be trading money for favors.

Some of these favors and information might be found within the pages of the classified papers suddenly being located in Joe’s homes and offices.

Perhaps, that’s what this document blowup is all about.  Rather than risk disclosing protected projects and identities of people involved, it’s far better to get a handle on it as soon as possible in order to avoid future humiliations.

The fact Joe’s behind-the-scenes activities have – apparently – been going on since he was in the Senate over 15 years ago, might help to explain how he’s managed to afford multiple million-dollar homes and other properties on a congressional salary.

He’s not a prosperous businessman, hasn’t invented a hot selling gizmo, not a Hollywood icon, it’s not believed he’s a successful stock market investor, been no reports of a large inheritance, and hasn’t won the lottery.

Joe’s worked for the government nearly his entire adult life.  Usually, not a path to riches.  A better life, maybe, but not one normally enhanced with inordinate amounts of wealth.

Consequently, the natural question becomes, how did Joe manage all this on a Congressman’s pay?

Many individuals believe the answers to several of these questions are found in Hunter’s laptop computer – which, the FBI has had in its possession for about three years.   

One thing’s for certain, Joe’s not as slick as the Clintons.  I don’t believe he has the capacity to withstand a full-blown DOJ and Congressional investigation, regardless of proclaimed innocence.

Or, in spite of the fact he frequently announces “I give my word, as a Biden.”

Which might be precisely what eventually does him in. 

Then, there’s also the possibility both Trump’s and Biden’s documents bruhaha might simply fade away.  Almost as if they never happened.   The lid was sealed tight, and all the secrets, people implicated, and confidential information would be stored in a vault, protected by government mandate to remain under lock and key until authorized to reopen.

Remember, after 60 years, we still aren’t allowed to learn exactly what happened, and who was involved in President Kennedy’s assassination.  Even after the key players have passed away. 

We’ve been given bits and pieces of information, but not the whole story.  Why is this moment in history being purposely restrained from full public disclosure?

The opinions in this editorial are those of the author.