Editorial: President Joe’s banking advice

Photo By 401(K) 2012/Creative Commons

Column By Mike Bibb

“It’s not a lie. . . if you believe it.”

George Costanza, 1995, Seinfeld 

President Joe giving banking advice is similar to me counseling astronauts on how to pilot a spacecraft;  We both may have heard about the two topics, but have absolutely no clue what we’re actually talking about. 

However, according to Joe, we do have something in common – we’re former truck drivers.  I worked, and retired, from UPS.  Not sure who Joe drove for since he’s been in Washington nearly his entire adult life, and never really had a private sector job for an extended period of time.

Maybe, he operated a rig for the “No Malarkey” trucking company, an imaginary D.C.-based campaign transport firm specializing in Less-Than-Truck-Load political myths, fables, fish stories, and assorted whoppers. 

“If you can spin it, we can deliver it” their motto proudly proclaims.

For a guy who boasts he has Irish roots (“I may be Irish, but I’m not stupid.”) – Greek (“I’m as Greek as Poseidon.”) – Italian (Wife, Jill, has Italian ancestry) –  Puerto Rican (Supposedly, raised in a Puerto Rican neighborhood) – Black (Remarked he attended Black churches and commented, “If you don’t vote for me, you ain’t Black.”), then I’ll have to admit he must have considerably more experience guiding an 18-wheeler down the road than I previously thought.

Although, I still can’t figure out when he did it.

I guess, the same logic can be applied to his vast knowledge of banking.

To help ease the public’s growing concerns over the stability of our nation’s banks following the recent collapse of California’s Silicon Valley Bank and New York’s Signature Bank, Joe’s stepped forward and assured everyone’s savings and deposits are safe and fully funded by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) for any amount up to $250,000.

Whew, that’s a relief.  But, what about those folks who happened to have considerably more invested in the banks?  

Not to worry, Joe says that’s covered, too.  All it takes is a government bailout, higher service fees, and fewer banks to share the pie.

If larger banks want to gobble up or loan money to smaller community banks, that’s probably alright, too.

Can’t we all just get along in the spirit of peace and love?  Besides, what’s a few trillion more dollars of debt shared among friends, acquiesces, bank board members, and mega-dollar stockholders?

After all, it’s not like we’re giving it away to some shaky bitcoin scam, or tossing it into a bottomless money pit in Ukraine.

Of course not.  $32 trillion in national debt is something unique, and a milestone never before achieved in U.S. history.

Basically, we’re broke, but at least the government’s money-printing presses continue to churn out pallets of paper dollars.  They’re worth less each day, and it takes more of them to buy a carton of eggs, but President Joe assures us everything is going to work out okay.

Meanwhile, as big brains in the nation’s capital squabble amongst themselves, ordinary citizens are struggling to make ends meet.

While costs of food, fuel, rent, and utilities continue to escalate, Joe remains confident his economic policies are making life better. 

Tough times require tough measures, we’re reminded as Joe heads off to another international conference.  Life on the diplomatic trail can sometimes be just as discomforting, and hectic, as “The Hill.”  

Especially, when a president has to schedule a Marine One helicopter ride, to hookup with his Air Force One ride, to hop over and jump into his Cadillac Beast limo, to meet with the President of China, who signed an agreement with Russia to assist in aiding Putin’s skirmishes with Ukraine – who we’re backing with our guns and money.

What could possibly go wrong?

Even more unnerving, it’s looking like Joe, and certain family members, have been on the receiving end of large cash payments from some of the same foreign governments we’re supposed to be in disagreement with.

What’s up with that?  I suppose we’ll eventually find out after the IRS determines if the contributions were earned income, or if the Biden family qualifies as a legitimate 501(c) tax-exempt organization.

That is, assuming there will be IRS audits.  You know, just to make sure the Bidens are paying their “fair share.”

Meanwhile, Joe has no idea how much food, fuel, rent, and utilities cost because it’s doubtful he writes the checks to pay for them.

Despite the fact I haven’t resided on the planet quite as long as Joe, I have lived through over a dozen presidencies with varying degrees of conservative and liberal leanings.

Some have been satisfactory – others, not so much.

However, in Joe’s case, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a United States President, or administration, who appears to be so out of touch with mainstream America, or ruthless in its pursuit to push an agenda, crush a political rival, or willing to stretch the laws of decency and tolerance in order to achieve its goals.

In my opinion, Joe has been in politics so long it has warped his sense of right and wrong. 

That may be his biggest blunder yet!

The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author.