Editorial: Moon, Jupiter, Venus & Alec

Detailed images of the moon comprised of more than 200,000 photographs compiled by Andrew McCarthy and planetary scientist Connor Matherne.

Column By Mike Bibb

When gazing west in the early evening sky on Feb. 23, I noticed three bright celestial objects in almost perfect alignment, aka “conjunction.” 

At first, I thought they must be a trio of Chinese spy balloons since that monkey business seemed to be in vogue.  In anticipation of President Biden deploying several USAF F-22 Raptor fighter planes to shoot them out of the sky, I remembered he was currently too busy in Poland and Ukraine giving away taxpayer’s money to worry about our domestic problems.

His ignoring our open southern border and East Palestine, Ohio’s massive chemical spill is evidence of this. 

By the way, has anyone heard what the other flying objects – besides the original balloon – actually were?  Joe ordered several of them shot down in Alaska, Canada, and Michigan, but I’m not sure if they were ever recovered.

Suddenly, it’s crickets, and cable’s talking heads have moved on to other pressing topics.

I assume the reports were true, but who knows?  We’ve been told so much dis/misinformation the past couple of years that news’ reliability on any story has to be questioned.

For example, COVID’s total mismanagement and blatant falsehoods ascending from the intrigues of big pharma, Chinese virology labs, government health departments, and the White House led to lockdowns, forced mask and inoculation requirements, school and church-mandated closures and cancellation of “non-essential jobs.”  

Except, large box store employees were deemed “essential,” while others weren’t. 

Federal and state governments were given the authority to determine who was essential and who was non-essential.  As if there’s a distinction in an open economic society.

The whole thing evolved into a colossal, unmitigated, incompetently managed disaster we’re still recovering from.

President Joe publicly announced if we got the shots, and boosters and wore a mask we’d be safe from the virus.  As we’ve seen, that proclamation turned out to be another one of his distorted tales.

Actually, experimental vaccines are now being implicated in a variety of health issues, and have shown to be equal to – or less effective – than natural immunity.

Three years later, we’re beginning to learn how much we’ve been duped about COVID and its intentionally orchestrated big fat deception.   

After consulting the monthly astrology charts of some of the famous actors in Hollywood, I realized those tiny orbs over Tidy Acres are our solar system’s message to Alec Baldwin that he really did pull the trigger and kill someone on the movie set “Rust” in New Mexico.

The laws of the universe don’t lie.

Of course, he profoundly insists he didn’t, because he “would never do that.”  This is supported by the ancient principle of woke reasoning that “guns kill people without people squeezing the trigger.”

They also load themselves.  This is why guns are so dangerous.  There’s no telling when a gun will suddenly decide to pop in a clip, jump in a hijacked vehicle and drive around shooting people.

Thankfully, many court judges now realize this phenomenon and no longer hold an innocent individual responsible for the reckless actions of a crazed Smith & Wesson.

These mechanical “Dirty Harrys” of the world are becoming a real threat to the peace and safety of ordinary criminals, especially when in the hands of irate store clerks, threatened church congregants, and anyone else resisting an assault or home invasion.

“Wow, Mike, how did you get all of that by looking at the moon?” many are probably wondering.

Easy, the same way a wolf does when he tilts his head and howls.  There’s no logical explanation, other than a wolf may be smarter than the average inner-city desperado.

Also, wolfs don’t usually wear hoodies or pack a 9 mm into a Circle K.

Contributed Photo: Image of the conjunction.

Okay, if the influence of the Moon can inexplicably force Alec Baldwin’s revolver to suddenly misfire, how do planets Jupiter and Venus figure into the scenario?

First of all, the Moon isn’t – technically – a planet.  Actually, it’s a rather large injection-molded plastic Walmart frisbee-like disc circling the Earth every 28 days announcing “Low Rollback Prices.”  Jupiter and Venus are simply backstage lighting, enhancing the overall effect.

Since Venus is only 129.6 million miles from Earth, its brightness is more noticeable.

Jupiter, and its 80 moons, is a little farther away – 532.4 million miles.  If President Biden was to fall up the passenger stairs of Air Force One and fly to Jupiter to discuss the effects of climate change and the urgency of the giant planet’s need for green energy, it would take him a few years to get there.

Maybe, a “term,” in Joe’s lingo.   Meaning, instead of campaigning from his home’s basement, he could accomplish the same thing from several hundred million miles away in deep space.

I Hope Jill reminds Joe to pack an extra blanket.  Jupiter’s surface temperature is -236 degrees F, and the wind sometimes blows over 400 mph. 

When the two planets, plus the moon, are nearly in perfect alignment, their mutual influences can cause just about any inconceivable thing to happen.  Including, the cast of “The View” actually making rational sense.

Which is ordinarily a super rare Earthly conjunction. 

Well, it might take more than a planetary alignment for that to occur.  Possibly, Divine intervention.

There’s always hope and, as they say, “Hope precedes the miracle.”  

Which, might be about the only defense Alec has left!

By the way, if you’ve ever wondered if it is possible for all eight planets to align at the same time, apparently it is.

But . . . it’s going to take a while. 

Quoting from skyandtelescope.org, “So, on average, the three inner planets line up every 39.6 years.  The chance that Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune will all be within the arc as well on any given pass is 1 in 100 raised to the 5th power, so on average the eight planets line up every 396 billion years.”

Don’t ask me how they figure this stuff out, but by then President Joe will be in his 99 billionth campaign and Alec’s appeals should just about be exhausted.

Mark your calendar.  Don’t want to miss it or you’ll have to wait another 396 billion years.

The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author.