Column By Mike Bibb
“Safford, Thatcher, Pima, and County residents must have identification to document their place of residency and proof of physical address within Graham County. Identification may include a photo ID, driver’s license, or other photo ID showing the place of residency and physical address. Charges will apply to those who fail to provide these documents.” – City of Safford, Public Works Department, Community Pride Days Notice, February 22nd-24th
Like several thousand city and county residents who’ve received a trash dump notice with their utility bill, informing them they could trek to a county landfill site and toss their debris for free Feb. 22-24, I also got the memo.
A free dump at the dump must be some kind of fringe benefit for local taxpayers since its celebrated occasion is announced by a special proclamation included with the monthly gas, electric, sanitation, and water statement from the city.
Notice: “Residents are limited to one (1) free load during these days. After the first waived fee, regular landfill fees will be charged during this period,” says the mailer. So, don’t get clever and try to conceal an extra load behind truck door panels, inside hubcaps, or disguised as a nine-month pregnant wife with triplets.
Wow, sounds unbelievably generous, but there’s a catch – can’t deposit my trash unless I provide proof of residency, verified by a driver’s license or some other form of photo ID.
In other words, my family’s garbage must be so unique that I have to convince the landfill attendant that it’s mine, gathered at my home address, as substantiated by an Arizona Driver’s License.
This would seem to infer that if I can’t factually establish the rubbish was bagged by me in Safford, by producing various documents and official records corroborating my legitimate residency, then my privilege of depositing the waste at the Safford City Landfill is in jeopardy — susceptible to a financial surcharge.
I guess illegal trash dumping at Safford’s landfill by non-Graham County residents has become a concern. I’ve heard a few Greenlee and Cochise County folks have secretly carted over their garbage to mix with ours, but I didn’t believe it.
How could you tell the difference? Maybe, there’s an organized cartel of garbage gangsters using phony photo IDs to get past landfill security.
Nor, can I substantiate the rumor residents of Kingman have disguised their city’s refuse as boxes of Girl Scout Cookies and surreptitiously UPS them to Safford’s 85546 zip code.
Failure to produce proper ID could subject me to arrest and prosecution for neglecting to show evidence the stinky stuff is mine and not the garbage of an illegal trash tosser. I’m sure there must be a city regulation of some sort specifically indicating the crime and penalty for such aberrant behavior.
A no-nonsense county prosecutor may allege I clandestinely tried to smuggle the stuff onto city property, to be compacted into the dirt along with the rest of the plastic bags, stale bread, broken lamp shades, empty soda cans, oily rags, and used toilet brushes.
Similar to the admonition “Taxes are the price we pay for a civilized society,” I suppose photo ID is the price we must pay for a trip to the dump. I certainly wouldn’t want my trash to be considered uncivilized by declining to properly identify myself as its rightful owner.
After all, “A well-regulated landfill, being necessary to the security of a free state, shall not be infringed” almost sounds like a Divinely inspired Constitutional proclamation, penned by the combined geniuses of exceptionally intelligent landfill specialists, who happened to have the good fortune of residing in Graham County, Arizona.
Certainly not in Washington D.C., or along our southern border, where trash, garbage, and other waste are not as purposely controlled. No photo ID is required to randomly drop it anywhere along the 2000-mile-long boundary.
Unless, you’re a U.S. citizen, accustomed to the rules and regulations mandated by a civilized society. Anyone else vacationing here from Venezuela, Mozambique, Afghanistan, Manchuria, Indonesia, Yemen, Ukraine, Iraq, Turkmenistan, Belarus, Mongolia, Libya, or any of the hundred countries scattered about the planet whose residents are free to enter the USA anytime they wish without photo ID.
Or, any ID.
Heck, they can even fly wherever they want to go, liberated from the hassle of passing through TSA airport security.
But, don’t you dare try it. Big, uniformed bruisers with 9-mm pistols will soon pounce on your silly butt for even trying to slip a four-ounce tube of Crest toothpaste past them.
You’d better have some kind of photo ID to show you are who you say you are, and not an illegal immigrant. They get to use a special line, because they’re special – and, you’re not.
Don’t complain. Just because you were born here, went to school, work, and pay property, state, and federal income taxes doesn’t automatically entitle you to assume you should be treated any differently than a recently arriving tourist from Botswana — yearning to be free.
At least, yearning for the free goodies.
Lucky for me I can relax, content with the notion my empty Kleenex boxes, discarded paper plates, shredded campaign flyers, cat litter, and rotten kiwi fruit have been properly packaged and sealed for lawful delivery to the city dump.
Best of all, I have an Arizona photo driver’s license, three signed and notarized affidavits of citizenship, hair samples, DNA lab tests, DD-214 military papers, birth certificate, marriage license, vehicle registration, passport, insurance statements, five decades of alphabetized monthly utility bills, bank deposit receipts, and my neighbor’s sworn testimony stating the garbage is mine – not his – should landfill authorities question my intentions, perhaps suspiciously thinking I’m trying to pull-off the perfect “crime of the century” trash scam.
If this isn’t sufficient, I’ll simply repackage the contents and take the carton to UPS. I know from personal experience they’ll deliver just about anything without demanding a photo ID. Including Cologuard Test Kits.
Which, thankfully, I never had to contend with!
The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author.
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