Column By Mike Bibb
I’m about as graceful on a dance floor as an octopus would be in a skating rink. While my efforts may be admirable, the results are overwhelmingly pitiful.
So, refrain from your impulses to dance with me unless you don’t mind risking bruises, skin lacerations, fractured toes, shin splints, and maybe a twisted ankle — or two.
Not to mention the embarrassing comments you’d immediately receive from your previous friends and relatives, all pointing fingers and whispering unpleasantries.
Admittedly, my dancing skills are even worse than my political observations — if that’s possible.
Anyway, I’ve been a little amazed over the controversy President Trump has stirred because he’s updating the White House to include a large room that can be used for various meetings and social events.
Including dancing.
And, he’s doing it with his money and other private donations.
Yet, Democrats are treating his efforts like the British have landed again and set fire to the building — again.
Good grief, Dems, take a chill pill. This isn’t 1812, and Trump isn’t a Redcoat General.
He’s the“New Hitler,” remember? Well, he was until you promoted him to King.
Kings are entitled to have dance halls, too. I think it falls under the 1st Amendment. Something about“the right of the people to peaceably assemble””
I’d imagine that includes dancing, as long as itdoesn’tt develop into a full-blown riot.
Besides, what guy would spend his own money constructing an addition to a house he’s only temporarily occupying?
He’ll be moving out in a few years, sowhat’ss the big deal?
If the next President is a Democrat anddoesn’tt like to dance, I suppose they can spend their money and tear the thing down.
Maybe building, demolishing, and rebuilding portions of the White House could become an executive tradition to suit the whims of the current tenant.
Presently, CapitolHill’ss creative juices could dub the new facility “The Orange Man Roo”, followed by “Kamala’s ‘I am a historic figure’ Roo”, “What’s An AOC Roo”?, maybe eventually “The Bill & Hillary Rest Ro”m, et cetera.
Conceivably, the area could be officially listed as “— “The Office of He, She, Human, It, Tra”s.”
Or simply the acronym “m “OHS” IT” posted above the entrance, since most government agencies are known by their clever abbreviations.
The possibilities are endless when Congress’s imagination is at work with your taxes.
Since Trump is a real estate developer, he might include several levels of luxury apartments above the new annex. Visiting big shots and other narcissistic dignitaries could rent the rooms for several thousand dollars a night.
However, the more luxurious suites would also include access to a hallway ice machine and Trump’s Tasty Tarts candy dispenser. Both equipped with an easy-to-use “e “” ap” credit card feature w/tip % selection.
Of course, in keeping with Washington’s building codes, the design would have to resemble a combination of the Jefferson Memorial, the Supreme Court, and McDonald’s Golden Arches.
Surely, Democrats wouldn’t oppose the convenience of getting a delicious order of chicken nuggets and fries while filibustering. Especially if the delivery was made by someone as attractive as Rep. Maxi“e “Get in their fa” es” Waters.
Joe Biden was the former McDonald’s delivery guy, but frequently got lost when walking Happy Meals across the street to Congressional offices. Sometimes he’d end up at the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool, intently staring into the water and wondering who he was seeing.
As a result, the Mickey D job obviously required someone with greater self-awareness and D.C. street savvy. Or at least, could find the Capitol.
Maxine met all the qualifications and was selected over the runner-up applicant, Kamala Harris. Who, by this time, had returned to California, a billion dollars richer.
Wshe’she’s not dispensing her AI knowledge in Congress, Maxi could have the starring role i“ a “What happens when you spend too much time at a California beach don’ton’t use enough UVA-SPF lo” ion” public-service commercial.
Compared to that image, Godzilla could be the magazine’s Man of the Year.”
Actually, I might be mistaken. I’ve never realized, for sure, if Godzilla is a boy or a girl. Either way, the monster would still win in a one-on-one beauty contest with Maxi.
For that matter, it’s equally difficult to tell it’s really Maxine or MaxwI’m?
I’m also uncertain that Trump has considered all the pros and cons of his new White House Ballroom, or the consternation it has imposed upon the delicate dispositions of Democrats.
Their seams will really fray when they discover many of the union contractors and workers are probably descendants of enslaved people a few hundred years ago.
WhI’m, I’m sure, Dems will use to concoct a fantasy to blame Trump for the Civil War. Possibly, the Revolutionary War. Maybe, even the landing of the Mayflower, when those greedy Pilgrims began snatching the entire continent from whoever snatched it before them.
Heck, Trump may have had a few Egyptian pharaohs as ancient cousins.
Coincidentally, I’ve seen old Kodak pictures of Adam, the guy munching on a Granny Smith apple in Eden’s garden. He sure looks a lot like Donald when he was getting started in the New York real estate business.
Come to think of it, Eve sorta resembles Maxine — before her unfortunate UVA-SPF incident.
You don’t suppose the two could actually be . . . ?
The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author.
