Church is supposed to be a sacred place full of warm welcomes and connections with God. However, some members of the church take advantage of the goodwill of others and try to make the place toxic. Some examples of harmful church environments involve abuse, insults, bullying, intimidation, humiliation, and more. The first step to healing from a toxic church environment is to step away from the toxicity and start recovery. How do you get started?
Seek a Good Therapist
Being taken advantage of in a church or religious setting can be profoundly traumatizing. It may be difficult for you to trust or open up to others. A good therapist or psychiatrist can listen and provide unbiased support during hardship. They can work with you to find the right tools to recover from past trauma and live life to the fullest. They may even be able to provide some recommendations for healthier church environments.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment without judgment instead of the past or future. Meditating and performing daily activities are simple ways to practice mindfulness, as you’re aware and interacting with routine life and goals. Try not to worry about what has happened in the past or what will happen in the future. Focus on keeping yourself happy and healthy in this present moment. A therapist or support group can help provide mindfulness techniques if you’re struggling to forget the past.
Find Self-Care Practices
Self-care involves taking the time to ensure your physical, emotional, and mental needs are met. Depending on your lifestyle, self-care can look different. For some people, self-care is a relaxing bubble bath at the end of a stressful day. For others, self-care is finally getting started on cleaning your kitchen. If there is anything you can do to relieve the stress of your mind or body, consider doing it.
Report Any Abuse
If your negative church experience was due to any form of abuse—physical, emotional, or sexual—you should report it to authorities. Physical abuse involves a member of the church or clergy harming you physically. Physical abuse can come in the form of hitting, shoving, pinching, punching, grabbing, kidnapping, or any other threat to your physical well-being. Emotional abuse involves harm to your mental health and usually takes the form of insults, threats, or intimidation. Sexual abuse occurs when sexual behavior is directed at you without your consent, such as inappropriate sexual comments or nonconsensual touches, including rape or groping. Abuse is widely underreported due to fear of isolation or retaliation from the church, especially when it comes to clergy sexual abuse. However, reporting the incident establishes a record and provides the chance to protect yourself and others from further harm.
Leave Reviews
Google and Yelp are great places for people to leave reviews of their experiences at local businesses, churches, or events. Leaving a review of your bad experiences here can be a great way to warn others and obtain closure for the toxic environment. Be honest in your review, but ensure you can share details if you’re pursuing criminal or civil action.
Consider an Attorney
If you’ve experienced physical or emotional harm at your church, you may want to consider getting an attorney after reporting the incident. An attorney can help you file a criminal or civil case against the perpetrator, whether a single clergy member or the entire church. An attorney will work with you to establish a case, obtain evidence, and represent you in court. You can even remain anonymous if you’d like. Pursuing criminal or civil justice can help bring closure, justice, and compensation for the damages that occurred.
Utilize a Support Circle
Going through hardship is much easier when you have a support group. Contact fellow church members, loved ones, or friends to help you work through your bad experiences. They can listen to you vent or provide a fun distraction to help you work through your emotions. A support circle can be people you know or a support group who has been through similar experiences as you. You can find support groups online or in person through internet searches or by asking your therapist for resources.
Pray
Despite having a bad experience, you’re still likely a person of faith. Bad experiences happen, but it doesn’t mean that God isn’t with you. You can pray as much as you’d like to help work through the feelings and to be confident that God has heard you. Praying can be cathartic for all problems, even involving a former church.
Find a Better Church
It may seem scary to attend church again, but your bad experience does not apply to every church. You probably have a clear perspective on what kind of church you want to attend. Ask friends or family members about any church recommendations. You can also look online and read reviews for churches in your area to see if any seem like a good fit. Before committing, you can attend a service or two to get a feel for the church. Plenty of beautiful churches are ready to welcome or support you.
